The Defibrillator Toaster
My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”
“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!! NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”
He’s bread, Jim.
Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M
If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast!
“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”
I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS
HES BREAD JIM
Let’s go on a road trip together. Just you and me.
Come on. Let’s grab some blankets and pillows, some money, and a camera. Let’s go around the country and see everything there is to see. Let’s go to the big cities and the small towns, let’s go see the beautiful mountains and the towering conifer forests. Let’s eat steak at fancy restaurants and cheese fries at hole-in-the-wall dives. Let’s stop and stretch out at rest stops and grab some junk food from the vending machines. I want to be listening to music and driving at 2am and look over and see you sleeping with your head up against the window. I want to see your eyes follow the raindrops as they race down the glass. I want to hold your hand and rub your fingers while we talk about anything that pops in our heads. Let’s stop and sit under the stars in the middle of nowhere and teach each other the constellations we know. Let’s take pictures of cute old couples and grandpas feeding bread to ducks and grandmas wearing floppy hats. It could only be for a couple of weeks but it would be the two of us and that’s all that matters. I just want to go with you.
does anyone really appreciate waffles though
look at these versatile motherfuckers with their own syrup holders lord
you can make these motherfuckers for desert
or you can make them fucking savory
yoU CAN PUT FUCKING CHOCOLATE CHIPS IN THEM & YOU CAN SHAPE THEM
THERE ARE FUCKING ICE CREAM HOLDERS MADE AFTER THEM
THERE ARE MOTHERFUCKING FRENCH FRIES MADE AFTER WAFFLES
IF WAFFLES AREN’T THE COOLEST SHIT THO
This is how you lose her.
You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: the sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery, the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five, the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, the scent of new books in the store, the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.
You must remember when she forgets.
You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it is too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.
She remembers when you forget.
You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the beauty that she is. When you make her feel that she is replaceable. She wants to feel cherished. When you make her feel that you are fleeting. She wants you to stay. When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.
You must learn her.
You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to.
You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.
And, this is how you keep her.